The One Where Da-da Dons His Education Hat and Pushes Over the Vending Machine of War

Freedom may not be free, but it could be a lot more cost-effective.
(Psst, real freedom really is free. Shhh.)

Someone forwarded Da-da an email about how amazing the gatling gun is on an A-10 Warthog. Sure, the thing fires 4200 30 mm rounds/minute. The 30 mm rounds are huge. And each round costs $65. Yay. But that one round is worth one dinner out for Da-da's whole family at a decent restaurant WITH a bit of alcohol. Or a week's groceries for basics. For each round. However, let's look at this expenditure a different way.

4200 rounds/minute x $65 = $273,000/minute. That's just to fire the gun for one sortie, a "sortie" being one combat flight mission for one plane and pilot.

That Winter Look of Parenting

Da-da in winter... wondering why you're walking all over the house in muddy snow boots... and how nice it would be to be thousands of miles away... alone.... or to just have a warm muffin... A REALLY BIG WARM MUFFIN that Da-da could launch in your general direction for doing whatever it is you do every day without any semblance or demonstration of the Listening Arts.

Sure, Da-da wants to hit you with a muffin, but you could always eat the muffin afterward. As usual, Da-da strives for communication and practicality in an uncommunicative, impractical world.

The Importance of the Universe Has Been Greatly Exaggerated, But at Least There's Plenty of Free Parking

In light of this quasi-light, Da-da has decided to take the week off, returning sometime after next Saturday. In the meantime, Da-da encourages you to explore many of the things he's written in the past four yearson this site (and one of his books if you can find one), and prepare yourself not only for other prepositional sentences in future -- and Da-da's inexorable return -- but also for the Universe's eventual disappearance when we all stop believing in it. It was pretty crummy, anyway, but occasionally good for a laugh, and the odd free parking space, so Da-da guesses it wasn't a total loss. Anyway, have a great week and try not to take everything so seriously... which is pretty much the whole reason Da-da exists in the first place.

Parenting Gestures You Can Use (#2 in a Series)

Ok, THAT'S ONE on you and your brother. Make that TWO... ten, two, ten, two...

How Kirk Met Spock

Is that why it's called, "THE COMMAND CHAIR"?

Squeaky Squeaky Squeaky: A Postmodern Valentine

Oh, give it a rest, willya?

True story. Before wife and kids, Da-da lived in a three-story apartment building that boasted paper-thin walls, ceilings and floors. You could hear everything, and Da-da means everything. Yeah, it was as fun as it sounds, but the apartments had great views, so we all put up with it.

Da-da lived on the second floor, sandwiched between The Grumps, a nearly soundless/loveless marriage on the first floor below, and the perky Lapins on the top floor above. (No, those aren't their real names.)

The loveless Grumps always looked like this:

How Ma-ma Met Da-da: A Rare Photo Montage

When Da-da Met Ma-ma

SUAKM.

That Ottoman Empire Look of Parenthood

Hm. Invade Hungary or go make dinner. Hm.... hey, where's Da-da's ottoman?

Parenting Gestures You Can Use

Parenting Gesture #14a. "Kids awake all night; coffee not working; embedded galaxy in retina."

Tuesday's Irony is Full of Face

Coming soon: a "fresh air" port on the side of all future models.

The Three Stages of Parenting

Happy Krill Day

Uh oh.

About 3.5 quadrillion krill awoke this morning on Planet Earth to announce that -- YES -- they definitely saw a shadow -- and in the krill's case, this wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Happy Krill Day, everyone.

Our Lady of Da-da

PARENTHOOD: The Lobotomy You Never Had

Hello? Anybody in there? We cleaned up all the Legos. And the feces. And the Legos with the feces. Hello?