Strange Things Taken at Face Value

Da-da's not sure why -- or IF -- having children causes a large percentage of people to become... well, NUMB to just about everything that happens in the world. Speaking as one who discovered latent superhero BARF-CATCHING and ERRANT CAPITALIZING talent quite by accident (can you plan for such a thing?), Da-da must say that nothing fazes him after six years of being A Man Called Dada. So, when Da-da recently cut into a red pepper while making... something, he can't remember... he uncovered: pepper testicles.

It could be a rare two-chambered red-pepper heart lying next to Da-da's santoku, he's not sure: Da-da's only performed about 100,000 pepper-ectomies. But he can safely say that he's never seen such a pair on a vegetable this side of a Monsanto frankenfield. He did find quite a large... uh, protuberance... on a strawberry the other day, but Da-da doesn't think the two are related. The Monsanto Range Safety Recombination Facility, where Da-da gets his vegetables and fruit, was flabbergasted. "This is the first genetic anomaly we've ever heard of!" a clerk ululated, scratching his three small heads.

Oddly enough, Da-da has an applicable tangent to accompany the rampant Peter Piperage. If he may...

This same meal spawned a new drink -- which Da-da badly needed on a Friday after a rafter of Child Meal Insertion Debacles (CMIDs). He'd been working on a cobalt-free, "Dirty Gibson," for some time (with Hendrick's Gin, which has a certain taste that works with onions and veggies), when he added a robust jigger or three of Mr.and Mrs. T's Bold and Spicy Bloody Mary Mix, creating what he calls either, "That Time of the Month," or "Blood of the Vanquished." After Da-da's week, both were apt.

Sorry, no cutesy "Twilight" names come to mind. Anyway, here's the recipe. Into a chilled pint glass, add:

- 2 oz. Hendrick's Gin
- Capful of Dry Vermouth
- Sizeable PLOMP of Mr.and Mrs. T's Bold and Spicy Bloody Mary Mix, which is fabulous
- A Dick Cheney splash of cocktail onion juice
- Squeeze of half-a lime
- 4-200 cocktail onions (Da-da LIKES cocktail onions).

Add half a glass of ice to chilled pint glass. Drop vermouth and gin and lime and onion juice over ice. Top with bloody mary mix and taste. Cowboy up and sip some booze off the top if you need more bloody mary mix.  Drop the onions into a large, pre-chilled martini glass and whomp in the mixture. Don't be gentle. Yield: about two martini-glasses' worth. Garnish with the largest Monsanto red pepper testicles you can find and DRINK, DRINK LIKE THE WIND. Do this and you may actually survive a night of feeding two fickle 40-pound anthropomorphic pirahna. Oh, c'mon, where else can you get a drink recipe AND a genetic aberration?


Soapy Hollow said...

You are a strange, strange man. I *like* that about you!

Hugs to you, the bride and brood!

Debra J. said...

Brood blood! Here, here! I enjoyed reading this, and wouldn't cha know - I've actually had personal and direct experience with similarly endowed red peppers. While you handled it all quite creatively (the gin, the onions) I ran out of the room screaming and ended UP at the local tavern.

brad said...

i had my other half make your drink. she loved it. me? i stick with peligrino.

prestomeco said...

DaDa - why couldn't you have concocted precious, life-giving elixir 13 years ago when we adopted our half-Klingon foundling daughter? I might have survived the ordeal with more of my brain cells (and limbs) intact.

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