Da-da's 2017 Back-to-School Fashion EXTRAVAGANZA

NONE of these people will ever get abducted by ETs... or they already were, so it doesn't matter.

Nothing says EVOLUTION-in-ACTION like back-to-school fashion 2017. Talk about fin d'siecle. I suppose this could all be a reaction to people NOT wanting to be abducted by ETs or what have you, or perhaps they're so bored that they're one step away from wearing old appliance boxes with arm-holes cut out. Anyway, here are Da-da's picks for 2017's most incomprehensible (and mostly male, since Da-da has boys) fashion that you hope you never see in person -- and especially hope no one in your family actually paid retail for. What's most interesting is that it's getting more and more difficult for men to look *unintentionally* stupid: gene-pool removal seems to have become a conscious choice of late. Probably for the best. Here we go:

Psychoneurasthenia due to screen-induced tech-immersion is HOT this season, so clothing that feigns musculature
has become a rather predictable thing. Similarly, that 'just-got-out-of-bed-and-HEY-i-brought-the-bed-with-me look
is now sellable to those with too much disposable income.

Disney trotted out their "Cast Member/Replicant 2045" look
for their new Illuminati Monorail relaunch. Watch your step.

A similar tack has arisen for Disney Security, and for all Cast Members with
no shoulders and a Cruel-Shoes fetish. Lots of room for neural network cabling, too.

The declasse/au naturel BOZO look will be big in Common Bore classrooms.

 

IT Depts will be rife with BRUTAL BEAUTY in 2017. Nothing. Ever. Changes.

In terms of mammalian male/female differentiation, as usual your guess is as good as your guess.
Special points for dressing like a Victorian bed-pan in more historically minded school commons.

And of course, the disturbing lack of testosterone is now so overly refreshing as to wax florid jejune atrocity.

Metaphysical symbolism will continue to flourish.

For those with no clear way forward, the way is now clear.

Mercifully, the man-douche set will continue to be hirsutely represented.

WE.WILL.HAVE.MORE drive-by floridity to water your inner-cochlear implant. Crowd goes wild.

Mannequins are optional & retro-slampadato, at least in the Humanities.

A lack of hormones will finally become a celebration...

...as will the thrill of kissing the freshly embalmed/fodder set.

The need to impress will leap beyond all previous levels of bovine cotisuelto cliche. No, really.

Propagation of the 'big-pants-people' paradigm will continue...
at least until this generation rediscovers drapes.

Historical misunderstandings will always be with us, this time due to a low-cranial-pressure zeitgeist.

Tangentially, the hench-doof motif will finally get its five-and-a-half minutes.

For younger latitudes, the O Nicki 'petroleum jelly & chains' look continues to offer
a unique challenge for the eye-safety-challenged hermaphrodite.

Males as defunct chromosomal vending machines remains a strong motif for 2017...

...while corporate-attorney wear downshifts into obvious territory.

Alas, the Red Death COLUMBIA is still taking in the tired masses
yearning to be free of the Red Death COLUMBIA...

...as is the trope-hoodwinking of general slavewear...

...and whatever the hell this is. Man-douche 2.0?

Finally, special fashion now exists for those 2017/2018 graduates starting job interviews
without pressure of ever actually getting a job-- and failing that, at least presenting a good body shield
for those inevitable corporate rocks and bottles flying in from everywhere.

It's not so much a suit as a tort-barrier to gainful employment.

And with that, all the sponsoring Facebook and Google executives came out to bid a warm kummerspeck
to the confused bank holiday audience in attendance. An uneventful back-to-school to all.