25.3.15

2015: ENTER The Cribbage Millennium... IF YOU DARE (If you don't, that's okay, too)


Oh, the drama of the six-turn golden cribbage extravaganza!

Few things are as exciting as a rousing, two-fisted game of CRIBBAGE. Well, maybe nude cribbage. While not exactly rip-roaring, cribbage is, in the Grand Backdrop of Time-Killing Whateverness, both comforting and useful. Why do you care?

Because 2015 is The Year of The Six-Turn Golden Cribbage EXTRAVAGANZA, as well as the beginning of The Cribbage Millennium. Hope your hands aren't prone to cramps. YES, starting in 2015, we're gonna play cribbage for 1000 years straight. Why? Da-da has no idea. He thought you knew. Perhaps it's because 2015 is the year it's got 15 in it and because Da-da likes cribbage. Besides, this is the only year where certain dates can add up to 15, a thing that won't happen again till... well, 3015, in which case our six-fingered descendants will do it all over again!

Since you asked, here's a lightly Da-da-edited crib of cribbage history from wikipedia; best read it now before wikipedia lets some pocket-money anti-cribbage special interest group edit the facts:

According to John Aubrey (Captain of the HMS Surprise), cribbage was created by the English poet Sir John Suckling (who invented the suckling pig) in the early 17th century, as a derivation of the game "noddy" (thus named because the players often fell alseep). While noddy has disappeared on some dusty Dashboard of Oblivion, cribbage has survived virtually unchanged, as one of the most popular games in the English-speaking world. (No, really.) The objective of the game is to be the first player to score a target number of points, typically 61 or 121 -- without screaming at the other player(s), or giving them what-for with some heavy object. Points are scored for card combinations that add up to fifteen, as well as for pairs, triples, quadruples, runs, and flushes, but NOT for self-restraint, which is its own reward.

Cribbage holds a special place among American submariners, serving as an "official" pastime. The wardroom of the oldest active submarine in the United States Pacific Fleet carries the personal cribbage board of World War II submarine commander and Medal of Honor recipient Rear Admiral Dick O'Kane on board, and upon the boat's decommissioning, the board is transferred to the next oldest boat.
Cribbage is not only a great pastime for those with time to kill, or kids learning to count, it's also specially suited to modern times, such as: blackouts; riots; building/security lockdowns; LONG underwater deployments; barracks restriction; prison stays; whenever Congress is "in session," etc. All those moments we like to suffer celebrate together. Best of all, playing cribbage doesn't involve technology or energy usage in any way, shape, or form. Just a few friends and a deck of cards.

For those who don't play cribbage (what's wrong with you?), one goal of the game is to add up cards in your hand to 15 (e.g., 9 and 6, 7 and 8, 10 and 5). Note that there aren't that many "two-cards = 15" combinations, so for the purposes of Cribbage Millennium 2015, we will celebrate (or Da-da will celebrate while you watch) Special Cribbage Days where only cribbage will be played for entertainment, and only coffee and tea and little tea cookies and big tea cookies and all kinds of cookies and coffee cake and well ALL CAKES and pies and donuts are to be ingested (and whatever else you want). These days are thus:

Golden Cribbage EXTRAVAGANZA Dates for 2015

5/10/15 --  May 10th, 2015 (5 + 10 = 15)*

6/9/15   --  June 9th, 2015 (6 + 9 = 15)

7/8/15   --  July 8th, 2015 (7 + 8 = 15)*

8/7/15   --  August 7th, 2015 (8 + 7 =15)*

9/6/15   --  September 6th, 2015 (9 + 6 = 15)

10/5/15 --  October 5th, 2015 (10 + 5 = 15)*

If Da-da missed any, you can scream MUGGINS (it's an insider/cribbage thing) and comment greedily in the comments section... but no one will like you. On the above Special Cribbage Dates, truly massive amounts of cribbage will be played with extreme muggins-ish prejudice. The above dates marked with an asterisk (*) contain 31 days, and are thus EXTRA SPECIAL CRIBBAGE MONTHS (ESCM), symbolic of the total number of points scored in one aspect of the game, and celebrated with... something.

Finally, Da-da will NOT suggest the eating of cabbage on any of those days simply because it sounds like cribbage (though he will suggest you put some creamy slaw on a hotdog, along with some chili beans, mustard and ketchup and relish, damn). Nor will anyone hang out in a "crib," large or small, dressed as a baby, in order to secure any alienable or unalienable rights. Anyone caught doing these things intentionally in this, THE CRIBBAGE MILLENNIUM, will suffer in some indeterminate way yet to be revealed by David Hasselhof and Major League Baseball.

Yeah, Da-da can't believe it, either.

23.3.15

Bronko's Monday Conundrum


Mr. and Mrs. Clarkson (formerly).
7yo Bronko: "Da-da, are those people married?
Da-da: "I think so."
7yo Bronko: "They look the same."
Da-da: "Huh. You're right."
7yo Bronko: "EXACTLY the same."
Da-da: "Some people do that."
Mr. and Mrs. Hammond (formerly).
7yo Bronko: "Why do some people marry people who look just like them?"
Da-da: "Perhaps they enjoy looking into a mirror. Looks are only an illusion, anyway."
7yo Bronko: "I'm never getting married."
Da-da: "You're set for a lifetime of peace and harmony."
Mr. and Mrs. The STIG.

Note: Da-da chose the Top Gear crew for this demonstration. Sure, there are countless celebrity iterations... but that would make us look more at celebrities so forget it.


Stare at the PLUS sign. AIIEIEEE!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...