You're Worrying Again, Charlie Brown

Tao of Da-da 41: The Big Day (or, "All Roads Lead to Da-da Coffee")

Da-da Coffee: you're gonna need it. Trust Da-da on this.

41

When a superior man hears of A Man Called Da-da
he immediately runs the other way.
When an average man hears of Da-da
he half believes it, half doubts it.
When a foolish man hears of Da-da
he laughs out loud and guns for pre-Ma-ma
when she’s fertile…
and most other times, too.
If he didn't laugh
he wouldn't become Da-da.

Thus it is said:
The path to Da-da-ness seems like fun -- it is;
the path forward seems like a good idea
but the smart path seems like it should involve some kind of birth control
at least until some fun has been had.
Let be be finale of... something, Da-da forgets.

True power seems silly.
True purity is next to impossible – especially if a tattoo is involved.
True steadfastness seems attainable
but true clarity just ain’t never gonna happen
until you’re in the delivery room.
The greatest moment is here.
The greatest love is all over the place.
The greatest wisdom never comes to the childless.

Meanwhile, A Man Called Da-da is nowhere to be found.
He’s already done all this, you see
and is in the cafeteria getting Da-da Coffee.
Da-da Coffee nourishes, begins and completes all things.

[Excerpted from Da-da's unpublished international bestseller, The Tao of Da-da (or, Strong Winds CAN Blow All Day, Depending on How Much Sugar Has Been Ingested). Void where prohibited. Meanwhile, Da-da will be in the back reading his Anime Parenting manual.]

Gosh, our lives will be so complete!

Tuesday's Child is Rounding Third Base

Of Course The District is Receptive to Your Ludicrous Ideas on Education

"Perhaps you feel The District is treating you unfairly?"

Monday's Child Is In Your Face

                                                                                                                            [Is this your image? Let Da-da know.]

Monday's Child Is In Your Face 

by A Man Called Da-da

Monday's Child is in your face,
Tuesday's Child is off in space,
Wednesday's Child is full of WHOA
Thursday's Child won't say hello,
Friday's Child can't wait for Thanksgiving,
Saturday's Child is marginally forgiving,
And the Child who is born on the Sabbath Day...
is pretty much the same, but in a different way.

Saturday's child needs big pants.

Before & After Kids: A Brief Pictorial Essay of Very Mild Horror

Before kids...

...after kids. (Hm. A significant improvement -- ACROSS THE BOARD.)

The Giant Nose of May

Spring can really hang your giant nose up the most. Is it over, yet?

Most people don't realize why allergies are so bad these days. It's because lame city managers see a list of trees online/in a catalog and buy (in bulk) the cheapest ones for various landscaping projects. Male trees are cheaper, so they get bought more. Male trees also produce 10X pollen than their female counterparts. Who knew that there were male and female trees? It's a world gone mad. Where's Da-da's hanky?

Why Da-da Wears Bandages

Once you've reproduced, you start to slowly vanish -- some more than others.
(Yet another reason Da-da wears bandages.)

What Da-da's Listening To

Ah, "Obladi Oblada" sung by Bassett Hounds. Better than the original. By a wide margin.

Is That YOUR Kid, Captain?

"Captain, is that your kid peeing on the Sacred Vulcan Cone of Obliscence?"