ATTACK of the Bacon Grampires!

Grandma says: "GIVE US ALL YOUR BACON!
Oh, and you're not good enough for our daughter. And your children
are cute, but they could've been sired by anybody."

Since we're only about 50 days shy of Halloween, it's time to get ready for real horror! Ready? Da-da's inlaws just left, AND THEY ATE ALL OF DA-DA'S BACON. Fifty pounds-worth. In fact, there's currently no bacon within the tri-state area, turning Da-da's Boolean Nether Region environs into A BACON-FREE ZONE... not to mention activating Da-da's now infamous and annoying RAMPANT CAPITALIZATION module. Damn.

Come on, old people aren't *supposed* to eat bacon! Even Da-da can't have more than one piece without feeling like he's gonna die. (Factually, Da-da now eats meat only on special occasions, like when he takes out the trash.) To combat said Bacon Grampires -- who were also ingesting all of Da-da's Wild Turkey and Chloral Hydrate, hogging all the bandwidth and doing laundry every five minutes -- Da-da made one of these:

...and BAKED THE CRAP OUT OF IT. The bacon grampires fled to their subterranean retirement Shangri La, singing Lost Bacon Mahabharatas, whatever that means. This of course meant MORE cross-shaped bacon meatloaf for Da-da, who not only took out the trash, HE HOSED OUT THE GARBAGE CANS. Manly AND OCD. Can it get any better than that? Yes, it can, but that's a whole other post.