Not gonna find Enlightenment there, kid.

So. It's Monday. You're staring at your 3-D iPhone/Android/computerish device all the time, bored out of your mind, commuting without looking at anything but that little screen, "communicating" in a rather uncommunicative way, working without working, eating at trendy places, traveling the world without looking at it, wondering who you are, waiting for something to happen, feeling disconnected because there's no cultural lingua franca to pull everyone you know together save for that small screen YouTube fascination du jour. Then... for whatever reason... you start secretly wishing for a time machine to take you away from all this. IS THERE ONE?, you wonder. Well, Da-da is here to tell you that there IS.

It's called: PARENTHOOD. Yes, IT'S TIME TO HAVE KIDS! Imagine how fulfilled you'll be. You step into The Crucible of Parenthood and all that other stuff gets burned away. You won't look at your phone for months! Trendy restaurants will become dim memories that probably happened to someone else. And, "commuting"? Commuting will actually become something YOU RECALL FONDLY.

Then, before you know it, five years will have gone by, and the entire world will be so different that you won't realize where to jump back in -- and chances are you won't, 'cause it'll look so weird and alien, the new players such advanced aliens that you'll stand on the sidelines and watch the game flow past and wonder why you ever played in the first place. That's because you have a new game to play, an ULTIMATE GAME. Why is it the ULTIMATE GAME? It's the ULTIMATE GAME because YOU CAN NEVER WIN! You can only tie. You'll still be just as bored, but you'll spend your time trying to talk other people into... PARENTHOOD! It's the vicious circle that keeps on giving the whole year 'round.

So, why is Da-da being so scary? BECAUSE IT'S ONLY 31 DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN. And everyone deserves a really good scare this month -- and parenthood is one of those scares that just gets scarier every time you turn your back on it. So, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?

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