The One Where Da-da Writes About His Cat

Awwwww... ok. That's enough. He's actually quite vicious. LOOK AT THE BONES.

Da-da hates to write about cats. Cats get enough press. But this latest feline interloper deserves some wordage. He showed up after Ma-ma and progeny got a cat urge at a shelter (um, we already have a cat; he's fat and thirsty and surly and orange and named Owen, what more do you want?). The new one clocked in at three months old and 1.2 lbs of insufferable adorability. After two weeks of multiple silly names and outrageous French accents (its a process), the cat finally named himself Toby, primarily because he LOOKS like a Toby, and you can also do so much with the name:

  • Toby
  • Tobes
  • The Tobester
  • Tobalicious
  • Tobinator
  • His Tobes (what Da-da calls him)
  • You get the idea.

Anyway, His Tobes is the oddest cat Da-da's ever had -- which says a lot, as Da-da was raised by cat ninjas.

TOP 10 Weird Things About His Tobes
  1. He loves water (he sleeps in WET sinks)
  2. He loves and is not afraid of FIRE (he walked right up to a blazing fire in the fireplace and would have climbed in if Da-da hadn't grabbed him; thus, he's either a FIRE CAT, a DAREDEVIL CAT, or the DUMBEST CAT IN THE WORLD)
  3. He flicks his tail like he's agitated, but is sweet as can be
  4. He's used his box from Day One
  5. He deploys THE stinkiest poop bombs of any animal in any hemisphere (seriously, it's like tiger scat)
  6. He allows Bronko and Nagurski to manhandle him without clawed reprisal
  7. He eats his own food (and not Owen's)
  8. He never uses his claws
  9. He shuns all soft fluffy cat beds and blankets and expensive cashmere sweaters to instead recline on any available cold hard surface
  10. And he's not only Mr. Snuggle Puss, he makes Da-da think and WRITE the words, "Mr. Snuggle Puss." This in itself is horrifying enough. 
Bottom line: His Tobes is not a cat. Da-da doesn't know what he is.

And that's it. Sorry, Da-da has no jaunty message or galvanizing denouement here, as no one can read those words these days, anyway. No, Da-da's just doing what 5 billion other people are doing on the Internet: writing and posting pictures of his stupid cat. Da-da is pedestrian after all.

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