|Look out, below. [img src: B. C. Ville]|
It's official: influenced by the highly successful Turkey and Ham Raptures a few years ago (so, what have grocery stores been seling us, ew), at 9:10 am EDT this Sunday morning, all the world's children, ages 0-19, got Raptured into Kid Heaven, where they'll pretty much do the same things kids have done in the past, except they'll glow a lot more. Yes, in case of this Kid Rapture, your kid is now unmanned.
Reactions have run the gamut of human emotion.
"Oh, my baby!" cried Jetta Treadle-Whonk of Nome, Alaska, "she's gone!" Ten seconds later, after being informed that her child was safe and living it up in The After Life, she added: "Well, now I can use her college money to go to Paris. For twenty years."
"Thank God that's over," said Fnorda Rubb, PTA president for Harry Truncheon Elementary in Beaversnag, Montana. "There aren't many parent-athiests in foxholes, today."
"Let's see those little bastards backtalk the Big G for a change," said Clive Hawry, a sub-prefect at Heisenberg Primary in East Clotpole-on-the-Snide, Houndsditch. Mr. Hawry punctuated his statement with several obscene gestures.
An anonymous, former NORAD official-turned-SAHD, who'd tracked the whole thing on home radar, was non-plussed: "So, that happened." Later, he added: "Sure is quiet."
Several world leaders said something or other, but no one paid them much attention.
The most common reaction amongst parents of all beliefs, colors, creeds, cranial pressures and political interferences was to stand out in the open, on street corners, in pumpkin patches, in blissful backyards, faces upturned, mouths agape, REVELING in the silence.
Experts predict that book and candle sales -- as well as those of birth control devices -- are set to skyrocket.