14.12.12

Three Holy Men and a Bear


Fig. 117B. The post-conversion bear.

Grandma Scotty sent this to Da-da. Some of you have probably seen it, but Da-da thought he'd share all the same. Note that he's cleaned it up a bit. Da-da is fairly certain that no one will take umbrage at the content; however, if someone does, please try one of Da-da's previous posts.

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Three Holy Men and a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of the University of Morvalia, nestled as it was in the Great North. They'd get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. 

One day, one of them made the comment that preaching to people wasn't really all that hard, and that a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to try an experiment. They'd each go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, his arm in a sling, walking on crutches, and with various bandages on limbs and body, went first.
 

"Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find a bear. When I found one, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!  But that bear wanted nothing to do with me."
"So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!"

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, lying in a hospital bed. He was in a full body cast and traction, with IVs and monitors running in and out and all over him. Clearly, he was in bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it... circumcision may not have been the best way to start."


Fig. 9. Some lambs are not gentle, circumcision notwithstanding.

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