24.12.15

20.12.15

"SANTA CALLING" (Sung to, "London Calling") -- A Postmodern Carol (#2 in a Series)


Since The Clash would NEVER do a Christmas album, and since Da-da's had this tune in his head all day, a postmodern carol's been born. Yeah, same to you. This was recently released in Da-da's soon-to-be-award-winning third book, The TAO of DA-DA, which has NOTHING to do with Kubrick, or all that smoked fish. Honest.

SANTA CALLING
[Sung to the tune of, "London Calling," with apologies to The Clash]
Santa calling, to the faraway towns
Now Christmas declared, the sled's comin' down
Santa calling, from the Northern world
Come out of the naughty, you boys and girls
Santa calling, now don't cry or fuss
his list is all made, in Santa we trust
Santa calling, see we ain't got no ding
'Cept for the ching of that reindeer thing
[chorus]
The Nice age is comin', the sack's zoomin' in
touchdown expected, the house full of kin
The getting go running, but I have no fear
'Cause Santa is coming, and I know he'll deliver
Santa calling, to the gimme-tation zone
Forget it, brother, you can go it alone
Santa calling, to the kiddies of mess
Start cleanin' up, and do more with "Yes"
Santa calling, and you better not shout
you better not cry, and you better not pout
Santa calling, see he just ain't no lie
He's the one with the twinkly eye
[chorus] 
The Nice age is coming, the sack's zoomin' in
touchdown expected, the house full of kin
A naughty/nice error, but I have no fear
'Cause Santa is coming, and I... I know he'll deliver!
Now get this:

Santa calling, yes, he does exist, too
An' you know what da-da said? Well, some of it was true!
Santa calling, and he'll make it worthwhile
And after all this, won't you give him a smile?
Santa calling...
I never egged my nog so much so much [fading] so much so much...

NEXT CAROL: NOEL ERUCTATION.

16.12.15

How to Tell When a Meeting Isn't Going Well




...for John Kerry.

"CAROL OF THE SMOKED MEAT" (Sung to "Deck the Halls") -- A Postmodern Carol (#1 in a Series)

The TAO of Da-da
Is he pulling those sausages from his pants??

NOTE: The following is an excerpt from Da-da's recently released third book, The TAO of Da-da: Or, "Put Down That Xmas Yak and Start LIVING You Inebriated Central Banker." YES, it makes a fabulous gift, where have you BEEN??

=====================================================================

Da-da can tell that you're all dragging this holiday season (Da-da and Santa use the same NSA monitoring system), so we KNOW what you need. Besides that. Ready? Of course you are. 

Can there be anything more inspiring than carols about smoked meat? No, there can't. So, here's a festive aper├žus into what A Man Called Da-da will soon be singing in your head. All day. You're welcome.

Now, get out of bed, dress in red, put on your head and inject cheer, instead. Or something like that. And please don't rhyme. It's annoying. Anyway, put down the bong and SING, you stylish inebriated apes, SING: 


Carol of the Smoked Meat
[sung to the tune of, "Deck the Halls"]
"Deck the halls with boughs of sausage,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season filled with costage,
Fa la la la la, la la la la."

"Jump we now in bacon barrel,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient smoked meat carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la."

"See the blazing fool before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Strike the pork of loin some more-us.
Fa la la la la, la la la la."

"Follow me in linky pleasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
While I tell of drool-tide treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la."

"Fast away the cold beer passes,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Hail the brew, ye lads and lasses,
Fa la la la la, la la la la."

"Sing smoked sausage, all together,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Heedless of the health bellwether,
Fa la la la la, la la la la."
Doesn't that feel better? Wait... did somebody OINK? Uh oh, here he comes...


NEXT CAROL: SANTA CALLING.

It's THAT OTHER Holiday Feeling


Have a Flying Spaghetti Monster holiday yule... thing.

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