30.7.14

VIDEO: Hitler's Nose Seen Flying Over Germany

AIIEIE! Achtung! Das ist SUPERAFFENNASE! (which means, "Super Monkey Nose," which Da-da just coined)

This just in... Hitler's nose has returned from whatever interdimensional nasal nether region it's been nosing around, and is flying pell-mell over Germany! Ach, der Nieser! Authorities have no idea what the nose smells like, but the bad german puns are sending them into a Project Paperclip pretzel.

Achtung! Nase Party! Achoo!

DOES THIS MEAN THE RISE OF A NEW NEO-NASE PARTY?? (Um, "nase" is german for "nose," just in case you thought Da-da misspelled Nazi.)


The neo-nase party notwithstanding, Hitler's mustache is STILL AT LARGE and is considered extremely dangerous, at least as a fashion accessory, or perhaps as an entreaty into RAMPANT CAPITALIZATION.


28.7.14

The Da-da is IN: Getting the Itch Out of Mosquito Bites (or, "Mosquito Bite Remedies That Don't Suck")


The best cure for mosquito bites is prevention, like Da-da's thick monster fur. But if you're lacking
in monster fur, or you've already been bitten by a monster or mosquito, use the following.

Mosquito bites are the price of summer, but there are a few counter-intuitive remedies available that take the sting away. The good news is that the below remedies are state-of-the-art AND old-fashioned, and of course, CHEAP. Best of all, neither use drugs or ointments.

1. First, there's this device:

The Therapik. The needle is only 3" long.
Yes, Da-da's kidding. It uses heat.

The Therapik heats the bite to 120/140 degrees F, neutralizing the venom. No, there's no needle. As per this site:
To relieve the pain, itching and swelling of insect bites, Therapik uses the focused application of heat to neutralize the venom. The reason the heat treatment works is that the venom of most common stinging and biting insects is thermolabile, meaning that high temperatures render it harmless.

Applied for less than a minute, Therapik concentrates heat (120° to 140°F/50° to 60°C) on a tiny target area so the heat penetrates as deeply as the venom without damaging surrounding tissue or causing pain.

Effective on the venom of bees, hornets, wasps, mosquitoes, blackflies, ants, jellyfish, fleas, ticks and even stinging nettle (not recommended on spider bites, snakebites or scorpion stings), it works best on fresh bites, but soothes even day-old ones.
It's only $14, and no, Da-da was not paid for this mention; he's not a shill, he just wants to help. This device works best carried in a backpack, and applied on fresh bites. However, there is a cheaper, equivalent home remedy that works just as well. 

Look at that spoon stand straight up. Now THAT'S Da-da coffee.
Yes, it's also a cure for mosquito bites.

2. The following is how Da-da ministers to Bronko and Nagurski, chronologically aged 7 and 9 (mentally/emotionally aged 2 and 2).

Da-da Disclaimer: Be careful, so you don't burn anyone. If you don't have any sense or nerves in your body, and/or you can't follow simple directions, best not try this yourself. In fact, you might want to just lock yourself in a box with a wombat.

Place a metal spoon in a mug of hot water or coffee -- water for coffee is about 190 degrees, so use a coffee maker or hot water spigot; you could also boil water, but be sure to let it cool a bit before using.  

Pull the spoon and blow on it a bit till it cools to around 140 degrees F, say about 10-20 seconds, depending on air temperature. (Da-da tests the spoon against his cheek for his kids, but you can use your hand, your arm, eyeball, the cat, whatever you want.) Apply the back of the heated spoon to the bite area and hold for 10-30 seconds. This magically takes the itch away and even works for old bites. This technique also works on the venom of bees, hornets, wasps, mosquitoes, blackflies, ants, jellyfish, fleas, ticks and even stinging nettle (not recommended on spider bites, snakebites or scorpion stings), but you should still seek mendical attention in any of those if you see any symptoms other tha the bite/sting. Please use common sense, which is fairly uncommon now, so we'll have to call it someone else. 

Note that this heat remedy should be done, as needed. Da-da's youngest just got severely eaten alive at a pool party and Da-da had to use the hot spoon therapy twice in six hours before the itching vanished. Again, it really helps to apply this immediately after bites/stings.
 
Note: some mosquito bites are worse than others.

25.7.14

Eyes Wide Open: The Missing/Cut Scene From Kubrick's, "EYES WIDE SHUT" REVEALED [UPDATED]


What's behind the door?


Tomorrow, July 26th, is director Stanley Kubrick's birthday. To commemorate, Da-da will reveal -- for those who've not already seen it -- one of the great secrets of film, and perhaps modern society in general. Here we go.

The seedy underpinnings of the Powers That Were can be summed up in a missing 15-second scene from Kubrick's final film, "Eyes Wide Shut." Those few who've watched the complete film, which included said cut scene, were required to sign a contract that threatened to destroy their careers if they revealed the nature of the cut scene.

Someone wisely broke that contract.




The Missing Cut Scene From "Eyes Wide Shut"


Stanley Kubrick’s death:

Stanley Kubrick died on March 7th 1999, the ‘final cut’ was pre-screened for the first time on March 2nd 1999, 5 days before Kubrick’s death.

Those who attended the pre-screening:

Bob Daly (Warner Bro. Co-Chairman)
Terry Semel (Warner Bro. Co-Chairman)
Tom Cruise
Nichole Kidman

Additional pre-release viewers:

Stanley Kubrick
Kubrick’s personal editing assistant

Potential additional pre-release viewers:

Christiane Kubrick
The projection operator
The hand delivered print delivery man?
Additional theater staff member?

Viewers of the filming/set for the cut scene:

Film crew
Set designer
Actors
Extras

The contract:

Everyone on set signed a lengthy contract securing the privacy and strict secrecy of the project, even to this day Warner Brothers could take action against anyone who broke this contract. Bob Daly, Terry Semel, Tom Cruise and Nichole Kidman are not likely to reveal the filming or viewing of the missing scene cut from Eyes Wide Shut, it could cost them their career or more. At the world premiere for Eyes Wide Shut both Bob Daly & Terry Semel announced their simultaneous retirement as the co-head of Warner Bros. During this announcement they also announced their donation of $100,000 to The Film Foundation (urging awareness of the urgent need to preserve motion picture history). At the same time they knowingly mutilated motion picture history by not giving Stanley Kubrick the final cut on Eyes Wide Shut.

The cut scene as described by the firsthand source:

The original cut of Eyes Wide shut contained a scene which was cut out prior to public release. The existence of this scene is only known among a select few people who signed strict secrecy contracts with Kubrick/Warner Bros. The length of this scene was approximately 22 seconds.

Dr. Harford is Tom Cruise’s character.

At 1:19:27 Dr. Harford finds himself separated from the masked woman. He walks down a hallway distantly following a couple. He turns to see an empty room with a pentagram-like circle in the center. The reaction in his eyes can be seen in a close up. Acting as if he did not see the ceremonial room he continues to walk down the hallway which can be seen at 1:19:30.

My analysis of what this scene would have done for Eyes Wide Shut:

This scene would have been the climax of the entire movie, perhaps only as a subliminal climax. The sex scenes afterwards seem to be a conditioning for the audience to almost forget about the empty ceremonial room, causing Dr. Harford’s character to relax a bit.

As we later find out the masked woman says, “Take me, I am ready to redeem him.”, The red robed leader asks, “You are ready to redeem him?”, “Yes” replies the masked woman. The red robed one confirms, “Are you sure you understand what you’re taking upon yourself in doing this?”, “Yes” replies the masked woman. At this point Dr. Harford and the audience would forget about the sex scenes and recall the brief viewing of the empty ceremonial room.

The red robed leader then says the following to Dr. Harford, “Very well, you are free, but I warn you, if you make any further inquiries, or if you say a single word to anyone about what you have seen, there will be the most dire consequences for you and your family, do you understand?” Dr. Harford nods in a shaken way and looks up to the woman, who is then escorted away.

Dr. Harford is thinking about the safety of his family & the masked woman who just saved him, in the back of his mind he is also thinking about the empty ceremonial room. With the cut scene in mind, the audience and Dr. Harford are drawn to the human sacrifice conclusion more clearly while seeing the newspaper for the first time. Questions would arise in the mind of the audience, was she sacrificed in the ceremonial room? Is she mutilated? Are the police involved? As Dr. Harford laments over her body at the morgue some of these questions are answered as we see the condition of the body.

The overall theme of the movie is heightened dramatically with the addition of a single 15 second scene. A masterpiece is reduced from great to only good. The lack of Kubrick’s last minute finalized editing especially involving the music score is also a major reason the film felt a little flat. During the pre-screening the film didn’t have any music whatsoever, the final editors relied on Kubrick’s notes to pick and choose what song should go where. I do not believe Kubrick would have chosen that repetitious piano note which plays over and over throughout the film. When a work of art is left in the hands of corporate executives, this sentence needs no conclusion.

The iconic scene that was never seen, can only be viewed in a dream. Stanley, you were promised the final cut for Eyes Wide Shut, I release this information in your memory.

                                                                                                           — illum1nat1


P.S. Out of respect for the late Stanley Kubrick I have not referenced any conspiracies concerning his death or the illuminati or any rituals outside the film. I have written only of the factual content that was intended on being in the film. Stanley was a true artist, a master of cinema, every time I watch Eyes Wide Shut I will now see the missing scene which he not only intended on keeping in, but a key scene which he clearly intended on being a pinnacle moment, without this moment the film focuses primarily on sex and relationship issues. Only when the lost moment is included does it transform into something more. /April 29th 2013 -illum1nat1

[link]

Note: Stanley Kubrick was murdered five days later. Kinda makes you wonder who else in the industry was in on it.

[UPDATE: The Wall Street Journal covered this story the very next day (huh, wonder where they got the idea?), but failed to mention what the actual 15 second clip was. Now you know. The fact that the WSJ did NOT mention it should tell you something. Oh, WSJ... thanks for NOT citing your source: A Man Called Da-da.]



24.7.14

Fillin' Da-da's Head


The Wonder that is Woman appears courtesy of Toby Price, the Jedipadmaster.
No idea what she's filling Da-da's head full of, but Da-da's grateful for anything these days.

23.7.14

Science... er, NASA Has Fallen Asleep in the Sun. Again



[sigh]

Are there no agencies worthy of the public trust? In a word, NO. In two words, NO NO.

The photos here assembled are the various filter images taken off NASA's sun-observing satellite immediately after yet another 24-hour "tech glitch" blackout of their feeds -- right after an anomaly appeared at the sun's north pole:



As of this writing, the below images are the same ones NASA's been running for the past two days, same time stamps, different date stamps. Once the site went live again, Da-da quickly grabbed the latest images before NASA quickly replaced them with stock oness from who knows when.

Look at the time stamps below for each of the satellite's filters. The times are the same, while only the date changes. These typically refresh at least twice per hour...


22.7.14

20.7.14

Scenes From Da-da's Mind-Roasting Summer


Da-da's boys finally got around to organizing their stuffed animal collection.
Has anyone seen the cat?

16.7.14

Where's Your SolarMax Messiah, Now? [UPDATED]


Can you hear the sun snoring? It helps to remove the fingers from your ears.



Folks, Da-da doesn't care what the MSM says: the sun is going to sleep. It's at the peak of its so-called, "solarmax" and has nary a sunspot. Solar wind output is greatly reduced. 10.7 cm flux is in the cellar, and Bz is pointing in a decidedly non-Viagra direction, with the earth slowly following suit. If we all decided to burn every politician and alphabet agency on the surface of the planet, it still wouldn't warm things up if the sun doesn't cooperate... but it would probably make some people feel better. (Don't forget: felons are your brothers, too.)

Regardless of what humans do about their fallacious "carbon footprints" (which are about money and power and control), be sure to check the bottom line: the sun provides the earth with energy. If its output is lessened, the earth gets less energy. Less energy means LESS ENERGY. As in not more. Which means COOLING, not heating. And perhaps a mini-ice age. And a healthy change of management.

Besides all the virtually ignored cooling data, for the 8th year in a row, the leaves on Da-da's trees have turned and fallen early -- June 1st this year, a whole month earlier than the last three years. Now, if various governments could only stop playing with the weather like they know what they're doing (they don't), we could see how our little planet is going to react to this reduction in solar output; we'll be seeing this soon, as things are dramatically changing in that arena.

For those who still maintain a quailing, capitalist mindset, Da-da suggests you invest in sled manufacturers and companies that make green houses; alas, Monsanto won't be around much longer, so you might want to short that stock. Afterward, you might also want to try practicing meditation. It will invariably come in handy. Then again, for those who balk at that ontological gate, there are always white russians and loooong winters, again and again, until you finally learn your lesson. Don't worry, you will. Your future may vary -- a lot.

[UPDATE1: As of 7/19/2014, the sun's global X-ray output has dropped by a factor of ten. This has NOT, Da-da repeats, NOT affected bowling scores around the country, but you never know.]

[UPDATE2: Meanwhile, these folks continue to tow the party line, their data notwithstanding. We'll all see who's right eventually.] 


4.7.14

Flying the Invisible Plastic-y Redundant Flag of Redundant Plastic-y Invisibility




Perhaps a new flag of transparency is in order. Or perhaps one of recycled plastic. Either way, independence from those who've been screwing us over for so long is definitely in order. This is really their flag, which stands for nothing and makes a weird plastic-y noise in the wind. In reality, flags are obsolete. Anybody got a Sharpie?
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