The Whole World is Haunted 4: Monster in the Closet, Part 1

You would after a night at Chez Da-da (um, "Chez" means "House of" in Fr., Maurice).

Well, Da-da's back, and if someone told him what he's gonna tell you, he wouldn't believe it. He SAW all you're gonna read and he still has trouble believing. However, once you realize that the world isn't rational, and was never meant to be, you can accept a lot more weirdness without completely losing your mind. Or so Da-da keeps telling himself.

Indeed, Da-da hasn't written about his haunted house -- Spook Central -- for a while, as he was waiting to see what would happen... well, after. But first, some backstory.



One night not long ago, Da-da had been driven out of bed yet again by fighting cats, sick children, ma-ma snoring, wind blowing outside, etc. The only other place to sleep is on the couch in the family room... a room that not only used to be abandoned for unknown reasons before the house was remodeled, it's also directly below a spooky attic space (that's been behind a locked door since Da-da moved in, he should know, he locked it) that is not a place anyone ever wants to go for reasons you'll soon see. Needless to say, the family room's proximity to this attic space makes Nagurski's upstairs room and the family room below some of the most "active" parts of the house.

Regardless of all this, Da-da simply wanted sleep, so he settled into the couch and strove for slumber... and failed miserably. Within 15 minutes he heard something walking around the kitchen -- something wearing big boots -- but Da-da kept his eyes closed and did not react. Then Da-da felt a cold spot right in his face (like something stuck its cold dead face in Da-da's face, mocking his sleep-attempt). But Da-da knows his house is haunted and he was not about to give the ghosts the satisfaction of reacting, so he kept his eyes closed and ignored it. THEN started fingernail scratches on the window next to Da-da -- on the inside -- and finally, the couch started vibrating.

Despite all this, Da-da refused to react, ghosts be damned. That is, until something got frustrated and STOMPED its boots twice on the hardwood floor of the kitchen right next to where Da-da was trying to sleep.

That was it.

Da-da got up and loudly announced that WHATEVER WAS HERE HAD BETTER STOP ALL THIS NONSENSE AND GET THE HELL OUT OF DA-DA'S HOUSE OR HE WOULD EXORCISE THEM TO THE 97TH CIRCLE OF HELL. Or Jersey, whichever came first.

Then Da-da went to sleep. He did  not sleep well.

Orbage.

Da-da soon forgot this episode and one day dragged out the spaceship he'd made from an appliance box and judicious amounts of aluminum foil, the one Da-da mentioned in an earlier ghost post (you can see more orbage there). Da-da plopped this silly construct in the middle of the haunted family room for the boys and decided to take a new pic of it. Then he saw this:

Can you see it playing peekaboo?

Can't see it too well. So, here's another view.

Can you see it, now? Yikes. Note: Da-da rotated the pic 90 degrees CW, so that the top is to the right,
so if you look at the original image at top, the thing would have to be floating in the upper third.
And no, it's not Bronko's space helmet: it wasn't in the box at the time, nor could it float three feet in the air.

Looked to be one of those pesky goblins that had bothered Da-da all night every night for the past five years, one of the things that had "roared" out of Da-da's oldest son Nagurski's closet, making him basically sleep in Ma-ma and Da-da's room on a spare bed for the past two years -- one that had finally pushed over that last straw.

Took a week, but Da-da located a professional psychic, after much rigamarole. Jeez, EVERYONE thinks they're psychic when money's involved. One guy wanted $5000 to "clear" the house. Da-da said he'd try Lysol. A good friend of Da-da's who really is a psychic (she told Da-da about his childhood before Da-da had said a word) had said that she thought the house was virtually unclearable, for reasons Da-da will get into later. Alas, she wasn't available, but she was the first to label the house, "Spook Central."

Da-da finally located a reputable, gave her a little psychic test (that Da-da will keep proprietary), and then made an appointment; the winning psychic, who Da-da will call her Gloria, a referral from a trusted friend. She came highly recommended and, given how inexpensive she was and the veracity of the answers to Da-da's questions, Da-da thought her worth the experiment. We set the date and Da-da eagerly awaited her arrival.

It was Gloria's idea to come at 10:00 pm, as the boys would be asleep and, as she said, "The ghosts will be more active." They were. But first, she had to find the house.

The first time Gloria came out... she couldn't find it Da-da's house. (Da-da just thought she was lame.) She drove right past it. Da-da even saw her and her companion craning their heads out the window as she passed by at 5 mph. He tried her cellphone, but it was busy. Gloria herself was trying to call Da-da to say she was lost, but her cellphone had stopped working. This is a symptom of Spook Central (it eats cellphones), but Da-da just gave her one Flake point.

Gloria finally gave up and drove home, only to have her cellphone start working again when she passed the city limits. Huh. She called Da-da and described her trip, described his neighbors' houses and his street, the environs... "But there's no house at that address."

What?

Da-da assured her that there was indeed a house at that address, and that he'd not sent her on a snipe hunt and made another date for a few nights later. Again, there were complications.

On her second trip, once she passed into Da-da's city limits, a "straggly, hairy-looking thing" appeared in Gloria's backseat, scaring the shit out of her and her assistant. The thing told her that there was no need for her to go to the house -- and again, she couldn't find the house. She did say later that she saw a cemetary nearby and, "a lot of the dead walking around." Cemetary? Then Da-da remembered that the park near his house is built around a cemetary from the Late 19th C.

Far from deterred, Gloria made another date to come out and vowed to walk to my neighbor's house and wait.

She had no trouble the third time, finding the house with no problem. Da-da will never forget the knowing look on her face when he opned the door. "This is a special property," she said. No crap, lady.

She began by touring the property, inside and out. She did this without any input from Da-da, as Da-da wanted to see what she'd say. Then came the final verdict:

"WHOO! You have 22 ghosts here, at my count," she said. "Maybe more." She chuckled. "Spook Central!"

The main ones were pointed out to Da-da, along with their details and temperaments. Surprisingly, she was spot-on, including some of the names of the deceased (which are not a matter of public record).

Most notable were: one of the original owners, Russ, who was apparently acting as, "guardian" for the family, both dead and alive; a frightened little boy who lived under Bronko's bed and under the stairs; and of course, "a creature" living in the attic space behind Nagurski's closet -- the same one that appeared in Gloria's backseat, and was apprently also playing tricks with making the house disappear, which Da-da still has trouble with, but whatever. Gloria explained that Russ was protecting everyone -- and Da-da means everyone, ghosts and humans alike -- from the monster in the closet. "This is where we're going to be spending much of our time," she said.

And time we spent. Gloria was there till 2:00 a.m. And it got a whole lot weirder.

That's enough for now. More spookage -- with physical evidence -- in Part 2.