|There was a lot of this... which came in handy for roasting marshmallows -- and body hair -- on the go!|
Just think of it as a month-long shave.
|Let's see... there was also one of these. Mildly deadly.|
|And one of these. We survived both, despite the psycho children.|
Um, FYI: children are far more frightening than any mass murderer psycho.
|Then more of this, before finally reaching...|
|This. Ah. Well... this might be overglamorizing, esp. as we never really made it out of our driveway. Sorry, the plate in Da-da's head isn't what it used to be (it's now made by LEGO).|
|Whoa. Here's the Miami Dolphins new AWAY uniform for Fall, 2012. AWAY.|
|Here's the NY Giants' diminuitive HOME uniform for Fall, 2012.|
|And here's the NY Giants' AWAY uniform for Fall, 2012.|
Uncle Fester power lunches Auntie Mame.
|The Seattle Seahawks seemed a bit confused in their, "Lurch meets Baby Huey" offering, strangely modeled by Tom Brady. (It's 4th and 24, guys.) The Oregon Ducks are apparently also interested in this look.|
|The Vikings looked nonplussed...|
|...while the Jets looked pretty much the way they always do.|
|The Oakland Raiders were certainly not to be left out. You go long, girl.|
|And Da-da's favorite: The Miami Dolphins' new HOME uniform for Fall, 2012 just screams, "TACKLE ME" -- which is the name, oddly enough, of the team's new signature fragrance, designed by The Czonk.|
|...keenly anticipating this fall's back-to-school fashions. Yes, this year, UNCLE FESTER PLAID is IN. |
Good thing, as Da-da's looked like this for years.
Now that it's officially summer, it's SO time for fetish rehashing. Don't worry, you all love fetish rehashing.
Speaking of entirely tenable segues, The Brady Bunch invokes both fetish and solace AND dread -- no, really -- in a combination Nietzschean/Xmas dervishnessity (what?) and Julie Andrewsian Halloween horreur sympathique that can only be removed with eloquence wax. Bad writing aside, The Brady Bunch conjures SOLACE in Da-da, as it reminds him of his insane, singular childhood, which revolved around his sibling, TELEVISION, and dreadwise as The Brady Bunch reminds Da-da of his insane, singular childhood -- and the horror he could've experienced if he'd not had the good sense to stop having psychotic children. Does that read right?
Yes, Da-da starts to sweat when he thinks about living in the same house with six kids, with each sex sharing a group room -- and those rooms abutt one another -- not to mention the fact that both factions share a common bathroom. Six kids + one bathroom = more dead spouses, provided one of the spouses doesn't go Freddy.
Then there's the unspoken question about what exactly happened to Greg and Carol Brady's previous spouses. It's never mentioned. They're both mysteriously labeled as, "widowers," both of them looking innocent with blue suitcases around them, but the details are always glossed over, and what's really in the suitcases? Are all these smiling, happy-faced white people closet axe murderers? Or schizoid poisoners? Recalcitrant, ham-handed pastry chefs? Unrepentant ROTARIANS?? Come on, anyone with three boys is a suspect for going off the deep end, three girls not so much: with three girls you pretty much just wake up with your toenails painted and your hair braided. Team up three boys and you've got Lord of the Flies.
And what, pray tell, happened to Fluffy, the girls' cat which they could not live without in the first episode? Was it, like the two dead spouses, stuffed and mounted in the Brady's secret family crypt, rumored to exist deep below the Brady manse? Or fed to Tiger, the dog? And did this unspoken tie-in between the dead cat and rotting spouses in the blue suitcases have anything to do with Florence Henderson hawking Wesson oil?? Disgusting.
So many unanswered questions. So little interest. Suffice to say that Da-da has an eidetic memory and has every inane theme song, smell and image from the '70s memorized, which might give you, gentle reader, some deep-pile shag understanding of The Gothic Horror that is Da-da.
|An estranged and bitter Fluffy still stalks some of the Brady Bunch cast.|
Some folks liken this Mayan glyph, called "Hunab ku," a kind of celestial crossroads where dieties are born, to the Maya knowing about the supermassive black hole at the center of our (and every other) galaxy. Maybe. That is, maybe the Maya knew that. But Da-da just saw this view of Antarctica from space (courtesy of Ferrebeekeeper's fine blog, one of Da-da's favorites), and... well, these look awfully similar.
|Buzz buzz, little bee.|
Could the above also represent a symbolic layer of an actual advanced civilization actually lost under the word, "actually"? Er, that is, lost under ice? An aerie, island continent, the highest in the world with an average height of 7000 feet, a powerful one that was reputedly both light and dark and highly technical, and affected the world in the four cardinal directions? Some scientists riddle that Antarctica has been covered by ice for roughly two million years, but then again some scientists raddle for Monsanto and think bees are evil. Kinda fun to consider -- the Maya thing, not Monsanto.
Post-Apocalyptic Note: What that Mayan glyph actually represents is 2012 going down the drain. Good riddance.
|Freddy... er, Da-da says, "Come again! Da-da slime you long-time!"|
So, Da-da's taken a break from being Bad Mall Santa Da-da and the Easter Bunny during off-school hours to be... Frog-Headed Guy! Seems some weird all-night shoppers in some weird all-night markets reeeally like this kinda thing and, well... Da-da makes awesome frog noises, so you do the math. The late-night things Da-da does to help bring home the sushi. Too bad he has kid duty during the day. Luckily, store management lets Da-da wear the frog head home! The boys love it. Ma-ma LOVES it. (Once you've been with a frog, you never go back.) Speaking of the impossible, where's Doug and Emmy Jo? (No one's getting that one.)
|"...so WE chose a special pic! Happy Father's Day, Da-da!" -- Bronko & Nagurski|
Actually, Da-da forced this pic so he could get kissed by Ma-ma (who looks like Rita Hayworth) all day.
|"Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger..."|
What? You don't know the Badger song/dance?
"Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger..."
|You are so gonna get tagged.|
Throw away holiness and wisdom,
and the Small Beings will run amok like headless chickens.
Throw away morality and justice,
and they will do the right thing – NOT.
Throw away industry and profit,
and you have A Man Called Da-da.
If these three aren't enough,
just stay at the center of the circle
and let the dodgeball do its job.
[Excerpted from Da-da's unpublished third book, The Tao of Da-da (or "Strong Winds CAN Blow All Day, Depending on How Much Sugar Has Been Ingested"). Prohibited where void-y. Serving suggestion: duck.]
When the great Da-da is not around,
goodness and piety will appear.
When the Small Beings' intelligence declines,
cleverness and knowledge step forth.
When there is no peace in the family,
filial hugginess begins.
When the house falls into utter chaos,
cleanliness is born.
A Man Called Da-da needs his illusions.
Where's Da-da's unicorn shirt, anyway?
[Excerpted from Da-da's unpublished third book, The Tao of Da-da (or "Strong Winds CAN Blow All Day, Depending on How Much Sugar Has Been Ingested, and Knowing Exactly When We Can Expect Those Emergency Vehicles"). Enlightened publisher inquiries welcome. Prohibited where void-y. Non-stick coating tends to stick.]
|BOING. Looks awake, doesn't he? He should.|
|Da-da coffee is always intense.|
This is a must-read for parents -- esp. parents of boys. It will surprise no one who knows Da-da (can anyone EVER really know Dada?) that Da-da goes against the grain in just about everything popular culture espouses, but esp. shuns the two grotesqueries mentioned below. Needless to say, Da-da would be an obvious candidate for living Off the Grid if he didn't dislike the hermetic lifestyle so much. Really, wearing bandages in public is kinda the same thing, anyway, but in a fun-n-freaky sci-fi way, which pleases the aliens living inside Da-da. (At least SOME OF THEM. Most of them say, "Hi," btw.) Anyway, all this Da-da-ness notwithstanding, past the jump is an excellent article exposing two main ontological traps for young men (and some young women) in developed nations (NOTE: the article posits this as, "America," but Da-da extrapolates this to mean any country with a Western appetite and ample electricity and politicians who should all be chucked out the air-lock.)
These Two Traps Are Absolutely Destroying The Next Generation Of Young Men In America
June 5, 2012
Have you ever noticed that our young girls seem to be far ahead of our young boys and that our young women seem to be much more “together” than our young men are? Have you ever noticed how many young American men almost seem like zombies and find even the most basic human interactions extremely awkward? Well, this didn’t happen by accident. Researchers are finding that there are two traps in particular that are absolutely destroying the next generation of young men in America. One is video game addiction and the other is pornography. In the old days, the parks and ball fields of America would be flooded with young boys after school was done for the day, but now our parks and our ball fields are very quiet. So where did all the boys go? Well, they are all sitting at home staring into computer screens. Yes, there are also young girls and young women that are addicted to these things, but the truth is that these addictions are far more prevalent among young men. Unfortunately, it is not going to be easy to reverse the damage that is being done to the next generation of young men in America, and that is very frightening.
These days, most parents don’t consider video game addiction to be a major crisis. Many parents are just glad to have something that will keep their children occupied and out of their hair.
|Tip #72: Reassuring floor lamps that everything's going to be okay is an important first step toward creating a peaceful lighting experience for children.|
|"Ok. Who painted the floor black?!"|
When A Man Called Da-da is in charge, the Small Beings
with their Ten Thousand Things
(strewn all over the house)
are hardly aware that he exists.
After all, he’s not Ma-ma.
Next best is the Da-da who is loved
because he let’s the Small Beings watch Pink Panther all day long.
Next is the Da-da who is feared
because he makes the Loud Noise.
Bestest is the Da-da who is despised
because he won’t let the Small Beings watch Pink Panther all day long...
just don’t turn your back on them:
Pink Panther is powerful.
If you don't trust the Small Beings,
you make them untrustworthy.
This is because they ARE untrustworthy,
especially around fire and balloons and tape.
And they're especially bad if you let them
watch Pink Panther all day because Pink Panther is not perpetual:
you will eventually have to turn it off
and suffer the consequences.
A Man Called Da-da doesn't talk about this, he acts.
When his work is done,
the Small Beings invariably say,
"LOOK, Da-da! We made this for you!"
** SPLAT **
Like Ma-ma, A Man Called Da-da’s work is never done.
[Excerpted from Da-da's unpublished third book, The Tao of Da-da (or "Strong Winds CAN Blow All Day, Depending on How Much Sugar Has Been Ingested, and Knowing Exactly When We Can Expect Those Emergency Vehicles"). Enlightened publisher inquiries welcome. Prohibited where void-y. Treat for shock.]
|"Da-da, is the Pink Panther smoking?" "No. He's just cleaning a special whisker."|
|It started with a push. Ok, more of a throw.|
|Followed by a retaliatory punch.|
|And then some general Hulkage.|
|Accompanied by some good-natured Ultra Man-agement. Your basic Sunday chaos.|
|But then it got nasty. OK, that's ONE for burning your brother.|
|And nastier. That's TWO for both of you.|
|TIME OUT in the Naughty Chairs for both of you. AND NO TRANSPORTING OUT.|
|Ok, all done. Time to make up. Don't overdo it|
|Here are some additional rules for the rest of today. Now go play.|
|Here we go again.|