The Man Formerly Known as Chickenbutt

Well, that's just rude.

Da-da's two boys love his sophisticated tale, a dialectic extrapolation of the 13 Words That Make Little Kids Laugh, so Da-da thought he'd share, since he's supposed to be talkin' kids most of the time, and since it always gets a laugh from the preschool/kinder crowd. Demographics beyond that will simply stare at you -- unless they're stoned, which they all are ostensibly after age eleven.

[Performance note: "sit" on each silly $1.98 word for extra laughs (they're bolded). Da-da also employs a variety of accents, with a southern drawl the best laugh-getter, though some words take practice. It helps to channel Sam Elliott, kinda like you do everyday, already. Anyway, enjoy.]

The Man Formerly Known as Chickenbut
by A Man Called Da-da

There once was a man with a silly name, that of Bighonkin Chickenbutt. He lived and worked outside Dribblestinkie, where he made succotash for aardvarks. Somebody had to.

One day, Bighonkin Chickenbutt met a shy girl with red hair and red glasses. To him, she seemed very pretty. After weeks of sharing funny looks, Bighonkin got up his courage and walked up to her... then realized he'd have to introduce himself.

"Um, hi. I'm... [Bghnkn]."

"What?" the girl asked. "I couldn't hear you." Her voice was nice, birdlike with a bit of raspberry.

He cleared his throat. "Most call me... Mr. Chickenbutt." The girl smiled, but did not laugh. "But you can call me Bighonkin."

"How do you do?" she said, still not laughing, though some rude people eavesdropping nearby were. "What brings you to our fair town?"

"I work at the rutabaga factory, transporting succotash for aardvarks. Over in Dribblestinkie."

"How fascinating," the girl said, sincerely. Those same people nearby, who'd been listening, suddenly burst out laughing. Still, the girl was not laughing. Encouraged, Bighonkin asked the girl her name.

"My name is... Aimnotta."

Bighonkin thought this an odd name. "'Aimnotta' what?" he asked.

"Aimnotta OoglyUnderpantsHead," she said. Nearby, a neighbor snickered. "I teach at the Flabberbingball School for Wombats. We train them to use teeny tiny toilets."

Those same folks who'd been eavesdropping -- which was not a nice thing to do at all -- laughed so hard that they passed out. One person even fell off a roof (BONK). In the silence, Bighonkin moved closer.

"Aimnotta, I know this is sudden, but... will you marry me?" he asked, sincerely.

"Hm. That would make me... Aimnotta Chickenbutt," she said, making a face. "Not very dignified, I'm afraid."

Bighonkin thought a moment. "What if we both changed our names to one we found more agreeable?"

Aimnotta smiled, nodded and took his hand. "Then the answer is yes. Wait till you taste my chicken-head poof-cake!"

And so it came to pass that Bighonkin Chickenbutt of Dribblestinkie married Aimnotta OoglyUnderpantsHead of Flabberbingball. The next day they legally changed their last names and traveled to a new county for a time, where they started a new family. Years later, longing for home, they moved to nearby Whackenpoof Prefecture, in SquirrelButt Township. The local newspaper ran a story about the newcomers:

SquirrelButt Welcomes Chickenhead Family

Locals welcomed Aimnotta and Bighonkin Chickenhead to SquirrelButt yesterday with open arms. The Chickenheads bring with them all manner of rutabaga and succotash thingies, as well as oogyflabberbingball-style wombat teeny-tiny-toilet training for SquirrelButt farmers everywhere.

Their children, Stinky, Jiggerbutt, Gooberbooby and Robo-stinkie Chickenhead will start Boompickle Elementary in the fall. 

The End? 

Yeah. Da-da knows. It's Proust for pre-schoolers. Try reading this to a group of kindergartners though, and you'll knock 'em dead.