This Old SUX

Da-da has an old SUV SUX, and like him it's getting older, heavier, dumber, lower to the ground, and makes odd noises every time it moves. He used to think it was a pretty good, reliable vehicle (Da-da won't reveal the make), until the steering box went out at only 74,000 miles to the tune of $2600, and then had to be replaced four times, as the part is now only made by cheap-ass overseas firms. NOW, Da-da's SUX needs a complete brake overhaul and tires (about $900 + $900 where I live), AND the stupid thing only gets 12 mpg... hmm.

Since Da-da lives in a fairly flat place (well, he used to), and his travel requirements are mostly home to school to home to grocery store to trusses-R-us, etc., he's thinking of parking/planting the SUX, and getting this:

Ok, not this exactly, but a human-powered, kid-delivery vehicle, nonetheless. Something more like this:

Wheeee! Sure, Da-da will have to get a wig and Jackie-O sunglasses and an Anthropologie wardrobe to make it work, but behold his soon-to-be-new-means of transport: the "Bakfiets," Dutch-to-English translation = bak (tray, box) + fiets (bicycle). Note: “Bakfiets” is singular. Originally designed as a three-wheel cargo bike for delivering hordes of danishes (mmmm, danish hordes), this updated, urbane version holds three kids and groceries, and even has a rainfly canopy for bad weather (though not for the pilot, alas). It's a tad pricey at $3000, but when you think about how overpriced mountain bikes are, AND add up the savings vs. driving the stupid SUX...

Let's do a quick cost comparison:

SUX

• $400 annual registration/tags
• $1000/yr. insurance
• $1500/yr. maintenance
• $3000/yr. fuel, etc. 
• $120 smog certificate

That's over $6000/yr. in operating expense, sans big repairs that always seem to be necessary. Plus, the SUX pollutes like Dick Cheney and is about as cool.

Bakfiets

• $3000 one-time sticker price
• $0 insurance
• $100/yr. maintenance
• $0 fuel (save for carne asada burritos for dada)
• ZERO pollution, save for the carne asada miasma coming from pilot sweat.

Um, do the math. Plus, gym memberships around here are approx. $100/mo., so Da-da will get free exercise, AND he'll look COOL... well, as cool as Da-da ever looks, which is ZERO, but maybe he'll be a LITTLE TEENY BIT COOL. Ok, forget it. There's a COOLER bike available, but it's a secret for now, as it would take your head clean off. Your neck stump will DROOL, guaranteed... AND then Da-da can wear his SUPERDA-DA costume 24/7, yay. Now, all he has to do is sell the boss on the $3000 idea.

Those muscles are soon-to-be Da-da's, baby... after he's dead.